You’ve Gained Weight” – The Casual Cruelty of Thoughtless Words

Why do people feel it’s okay to comment on someone’s weight? That question has haunted me for years. It echoes in my mind every time I walk into a room and someone greets me, not with warmth, but with a look up and down followed by, “Ah, you’ve gained weight,” or the dreaded, “You used to be so slim!”

What stings the most is how casually it’s said — like it’s just an observation, harmless and passing. But those words? They land like stones.


My Story, My Struggle
Let me be real: I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my adult life.
Pregnancy changed my body in ways I never fully anticipated. With each of my three children, I found myself putting on weight — not just from carrying life, but from what I now realise was emotional eating.
I turned to food for comfort during late-night feeds, stressful days, marriage struggles, and moments of loneliness. When I felt overwhelmed, food didn’t argue, didn’t criticise — it just was. And so the cycle began.
I’ve done it all — Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Cambridge, keto, laser treatments, slimming teas, pills, intermittent fasting, boot camps — you name it. I lost weight. I gained it back. I punished my body. I praised it when it shrunk. I loathed it when it didn’t.
I’ve had people I barely know offer unsolicited advice or judgmental glances. I’ve overheard comparisons. I’ve even had to sit with the pain of watching similar struggles play out in my own children — their self-esteem bruised by the same kind of careless comments I’ve endured for years.

It’s not just about weight. It’s about worth.

Words That Weigh More Than Pounds
What many don’t understand is that weight comments rarely exist in a vacuum. For someone like me — and millions of others — they attach themselves to shame, to memories of failure, to that feeling of not being enough.

“You looked better before.”
“You’ve let yourself go.”
“Your friend looks amazing now — she lost so much weight!”

These aren’t just words. They’re wounds.


Comparison: A Silent Killer of Confidence
I’ve been compared to others my whole life — to skinnier friends, siblings, strangers on Instagram. That comparison doesn’t motivate. It destroys.
Each body carries a different story. Mine carries motherhood, ministry, business, trauma, and triumph. My body has carried babies and burdens. My weight does not define my value — but there were seasons when I believed it did.


Why Do People Do It?
Some don’t mean to hurt. They think they’re being “honest” or “helpful.”
Others project their insecurities, using comparison as a weapon.
Sometimes it’s cultural — weight talk is normalised in some communities, especially among women.
But intent doesn’t erase impact. Kindness should always come before commentary.

If You’ve Been on the Receiving End…

Please know:
You are not alone.
You are more than your body.
You do not owe anyone an explanation for your size.

Stop letting the scale determine your joy. Surround yourself with people who see you — not your weight, not your dress size, but your heart, your soul, your story.

Let’s Break the Cycle
We need to create a culture where people feel safe in their own skin. Where we ask about someone’s mental health before we comment on their physical shape. Where we speak life, not judgment.
So to those who’ve ever said, “You’ve gained weight” — I say this: We already know. We feel it in our clothes, in our mirrors, in our bones. What we need is compassion, not critique.

Let’s be better. For ourselves. For our daughters. For our sisters. For every person still trying to love the body they live in.